I want to share with you about my experiences as a relatively new member of the Chevra Kadisha. When I was approached by Jane about joining the Chevra, I was surprised. I knew about the Chevra, and I admired what they did, but didn’t necessarily picture a role for me there.
I talked to Avi, and some others I knew who were in the Chevra, and I decided that I would try it.
Would I be afraid? Would it be disturbing? It would require some courage for me to actually show up.
In our culture, death is swept away and kept far from us, in most cases. My experience was very limited to a handful of funerals, and almost zero contact or experience with an actual meit/metah/metimot (that’s what we call the deceased’s physical vessel). It’s an originally gendered Hebrew word, and we’re working on gender-neutral language to be integrated into our ritual practice.
Performing the tahara ritual is for me, first and foremost, an intensely human experience. It’s intimate, it’s physical, it takes mental, spiritual and physical strength to properly cleanse and dress the meit. It’s a balance of respect and care, driven by the desire to do right by this person. I begin to focus on every inch with loving attention. I may not have known this person in life, but I am always surprised by the tenderness and care I feel.
The second aspect is that it’s a holy space that’s unlike any other. For the hour or so that I’m doing the ritual, the outside world stops. Time has stopped for the met, and so they share that gift with me, so it’s a final reciprocal act between me and this person. I feel so privileged to have participated in it. The amount of pure compassion that flows from me is astounding. I may not have known most of the people who I’ve done tahara for, but I remember every single one.
I want the grieving family and friends to know that their loved one was treated with care, respect and love. They really are, so hopefully they can feel comforted by that.
Participating in the Chevra Kadisha has changed me. I cherish our time on earth more. I appreciate the miracles of nature, children and the animals around me. I am more connected to the important people in my life. I’ve become more open-hearted, more in awe of HaShem’s creations, more intrigued by the mysteries of the universe.
Finally, I am now more comfortable – if that’s the appropriate word – with my own eventual passing.
Being part of the Chevra Kadisha is a bit of a leap of faith. You don’t really know what will happen for you unless and until you engage with it. It requires a little courage, and if you’re thinking that it might be for you, I urge you to explore it. Ask any member, we’re usually pretty happy to talk about it.